A woman grappling with her five-year relationship turned to the online community for help following a heated argument with her fiancé.
The debate began over financial matters, and left her questioning the dynamics of their partnership.
In a candid post on Reddit’s ‘Am I The A*****e‘ thread, she shared her experience.
The 32-year-old woman, known as Original Poster (OP), wrote that she became engaged to her 35-year-old partner after five years together. After the proposal, the couple set their wedding date for May 2025.
However, OP’s grandmother died shortly after the engagement.
OP explains that her grandmother and grandfather had been “very successful” and had high paying jobs for most of their lives. So, naturally, OP was left a “hugely generous” sum of money. Though, this is where the trouble began.
“When I heard the news, I told my fiancé and he was incredibly overjoyed, much more than I expected him to be. I went along with it and shrugged it off until later in the day I heard him on the game with his mates saying ‘I can pay my credit card off with that money mate! We can finally get that boys holiday we’ve been planning, ay?’ and laughing,” OP wrote in her post.
She continued: “I walked into the room and asked ‘What money?’ and he immediately looked at me funny and said ‘From your nan, babe.’”
The woman said she “immediately exploded on him” and told him he wouldn’t be paying anything off without her permission, and that he definitely would not be using the money to pay for a boys’ holiday.
“‘It’s not your money to have, it’s written to me from MY nanna, it’s not for you,’” OP said she told her fiancé.
This eventually exploded into a shouting match, at which point OP wrote she left the room upset. Eventually, the fiancé finished his game and came out to the kitchen to scold her, saying: “We are getting married, you will become my financial BURDEN. Any money you take in is mine also. It was incredibly selfish of you to make such a fool out of me in front of my friends and giving them false hope of a holiday.”
In her post, the woman then wrote that she left the house without saying a word and went to stay at her friend‘s place. She concluded by asking whether she was being an a*****e.
Following her post, the woman received an outpouring of empathy and solidarity from fellow online users.
“Ok so he has shown you that he thinks of you as a burden and is planning on spending money that isn’t actually his on his ‘boys’. And he’s screaming at you because you won’t fall in with his plans. You’re nuts if you actually marry him,” one person wrote.
Another added: “You really want to marry this guy? There are 2 problems: 1. He assumed he’s entitled to the money. 2. He assumed he can spend it on a discretionary item that does not include you. Pt2. is the bigger problem.”
This user chimed in with: “Stop the wedding. Do not marry this guy. First, … wow he’s got credit card debt he’s never paid off? Living beyond his means is a HABIT. Second… what’s his is his, and what’s yours is his? Oh honey NO. Third… the rage? entitlement and DARVO … projecting you would be ‘the burden’ on him in the relationship? this man exhibits all the classic Narcissist tells.”
They continued: “Your grandparents last gift to you wasn’t just the money, but the wisdom of who this guy really is underneath. No character, abusive, entitled, parasitic. Run.”
